I Hide . . .

I hide.

It’s easier to hide than it is to explain what agoraphobia is.  It’s easier to hide than to explain why a guy that is 6’6” and 290 lbs is afraid to drive alone.

So I hide.

I can’t explain why I am like this, but I am.  I don’t wish it on anyone.  I can’t show you an x-ray of what is wrong with my brain.  There is no blood test, neurological test, or any other type of proof.  So I hide.

I hide daily.

I wish I could “just relax” or “walk it off.”  I wish I could take a deep breath and get in my truck that I love and drive in traffic without feeling like my heart is going to explode.

So I hide.

I really wish I didn’t have to make excuses of why I can’t go and visit my friends and family without drugging myself into a stupor.  I wish I never had to take another Prozac in my life.

So I stay in bed.

I don’t want sympathy.  That is not the reason for this post.  In fact I wish I could take everyone’s ailments onto myself.  Not to be a martyr but because I love people.  I would rather suffer in silence than see a friend in pain, depressed, or any other struggle.  This isn’t just some hyperbole but a fact.

So I cry.

I have a strong connection with humans of all kinds.  I love making new friends and stay connected with old friends.  Even friends I don’t see for years.  

Because I love.

You may not understand anxiety or think it’s just in our heads.  But I can assure you it is more than that.

So I get up every morning and take my medications and plow ahead.  Because at any given moment, I can hide.

Donny Soares

Donny Soares is a Boston based stand up comic and actor living the dream.  

Caring for his elderly parents during the day and delighting crowds at night. Wouldn't want it any other way.  

A romantic at heart and is not afraid to show his softer side.  

A medical nerd, a lover of all animals, and a connoisseur of mid day naps.