Showing posts with label Russell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russell. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Let Me Scream

I want to write

But, I require perfection. It has to be just right.
I can put something down on paper that seems exactly what I want.
Walk away from it only to return loathing it.

What gives?

I get trapped. Stuck in my own thoughts.
It's not writer's block because I have plenty of material.
Which is a curse in and of itself.

I try to write for myself. "It's healthy," they say.
Well, it's not.
How will my mental diarrhea be interpreted?

Why do I care?

I am the only reader.
I was a born exhibitionist.
I flourish from praise but sink with criticism.
Maybe it's my O.C.D.
Maybe it's narcissism.

I want to create.

Draw things the way I perceive them.
Paint as abstract as it gets.
But my brain doesn't allow for it's imperfections.

I try to just "let it go."

No, that's not happening. 
I hate disappointing myself.
I don't like people telling me something I have done.
"Came out so good."

Bull shit! That's a lie. 

You have to say that.
You are too human to say anything to the contrary.

I want to compose.

Every note is too flat or too sharp.
I can't allow it to make sense.
The rhythm is too slow. The beat is too fast.

Fuck, I need another cigarette.
Now I can't remember that last harmony.
Fuck it!

I don't want to write.
I don't want to create.
I don't want to compose.

LET ME SCREAM!



Russell Reich

Russell survived the battle of the demons inflicted by the streets of Somerville, Massachusetts. 
He skipped town with his girlfriend, landed in the Midwest and became a father of two boys.

He has always had a knack for things that inspire. 
Mainly music, but anything that took him away from the bad memories or the hustle & bustle 
of work/home life could evoke him to create just about anything he had the time for.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

The Power of . . .

For me there is nothing that can spark more emotion, touch the most inner part of my core or enable my mind to wander into a flurry of emotion quite like this.

It can turn the crunchiest granola munching, eco-friendly housewife into a hardened thug and many muscle-bound, mustache toting, double-bagger riding renegades into sobbing little girls.

It can make my skin feel things that can never be felt by any other force.  It can bring me back to a point in my life, down to the millisecond. Whether I want to remember or not…a smell, a friend, a relationship, a vague memory.

I don't know of any other thing that is as powerful.

Its subjectivity alone is mind-blowing.  Its ability to coerce a crowd of thousands, God-like.

For me, it's mine.  Open for my own interpretation.  Ready to lead me in the direction I am meant to go or to bring me back from somewhere I don't want to be.

It's my distraction.  My getaway.  My come down.  My life.

It's my music.







Russell Reich

Russell survived the battle of the demons inflicted by the streets of Somerville, Massachusetts. 
He skipped town with his girlfriend, landed in the Midwest and became a father of two boys.

He has always had a knack for things that inspire. 
Mainly music, but anything that took him away from the bad memories or the hustle & bustle 
of work/home life could evoke him to create just about anything he had the time for.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

A Bid Farewell

Four walls in every room, the silence is deafening.
Numb again, but I can feel everything.

Excruciating pain resembles nightmares once stored in a safe place.
My thoughts echo from the walls of the amphitheater in my head.

As my night turns to day I watch the light cut through the Newport Pleasure.
Teeth clenched so tight they couldn't unhinge, unable to utter a sound.

I try to speak but my thoughts are empty, words less than shallow.
My eyes tremble as I fight their honesty, their unwillingness to give up.

My heart's irrational cadence fueled by the devil's own.
It's only character meant to destroy those who succumb.
Leaving me ashamed, I can't bare to see my own reflection.
Looking into my own eyes they are black and hollowed.

My lips quiver in disgust.
I cry for a better life.

I am my only keeper.

So I bid you farewell.
Your grip has been unrelenting but I was born to fight.
I will not be imprisoned.

There you sit, taunting from the pit of my stomach.
Alone as I once was, my days are bright, the pain is gone.

I laugh.
I smile.
I love.
I live.

Fuck you!







Russell Reich

Russell survived the battle of the demons inflicted by the streets of Somerville, Massachusetts. 
He skipped town with his girlfriend, landed in the Midwest and became a father of two boys.

He has always had a knack for things that inspire. 
Mainly music, but anything that took him away from the bad memories or the hustle & bustle 
of work/home life could evoke him to create just about anything he had the time for.





Monday, June 30, 2014

Because . . .

Because you are lost
I am forced to find you.

Because you are of the essence
I let you slip away.

Because you are relentless
I will never get back of you what is gone.

Because you exist
I carry your burden
with no end in sight.

Because I can feel you
I know you are always there.

Because the sun cast your shadows
you have left me wanting more.

Because you are infinite
I can feel your eternity.

Because you can't be stopped
you must be kept.

You are endless,
you are unforgiving,
because you are
time.







Russell Reich

Russell survived the battle of the demons inflicted by the streets of Somerville, Massachusetts. 
He skipped town with his girlfriend, landed in the Midwest and became a father of two boys.

He has always had a knack for things that inspire. 
Mainly music, but anything that took him away from the bad memories or the hustle & bustle 
of work/home life could evoke him to create just about anything he had the time for.



Wednesday, June 18, 2014

L . O . V . E .

1962. The "live free" times at Coney Island, New York. 

My dad and his brothers thought it would be cool to go buy some unregulated Indian Ink, steal their mom's sewing supplies and rig up a device to tattoo their themselves. 

Knowing their mom would be upset with this idea they thought, collectively, "if they permanently scarred themselves in ink, it should at least be something within reason". So, the word "L.O.V.E" was inscribed on their knuckles. The "L" starting on their pinky, the "O" on their ring fingers and so on and so forth.  A silly idea seeing my dad was only 12 years old at that time, but it was a bond that these brothers shared not knowing how it would be such a monumental time in the lives of their kin decades later.

Fast forward to the last day of the year 2005.  My two brothers, Shawn, Brian and I were drunkenly sitting around a table mourning the death of our grandfather who had just been taken off life support earlier that day. 

Multiple shots of whatever throat burning, vomit inducing libation was available in my house were consumed that evening, some great stories of our lives shared, (ones we knew, ones we didn’t) and even some revelations of some of the shameful shit we did to each other growing up.  It was a day I will never forget. 

It was at this time one of us had the idea. Since we were all together, which was a feat that could only come to fruition because of the untimely death in our family. (We all lived almost exactly 1500 miles apart from each other. One of us was North East, one was South East and the other was Mid West).  We thought that it would be honorable to get the same tattoo that our father got with his brothers 43 years earlier.


The next morning, hung over and with almost no sleep, we shuffled our way into a tattoo parlor to forever mark ourselves with the same "LOVE" tattoo our father and his brothers shared. 

Unknowingly this moment in time  would be one of the last all three of us would be together, ALIVE.

January 2012, as my family and I stare down at the almost lifeless body of my brother, Shawn, I see multiple hands and the word "LOVE" scattered everywhere. One tattooed hand was on his head, another holding Shawn's tattooed hand, another lay on his chest and mine wiping away the tears from my mothers face. It dawned on me that a moment like this should be forever immortalized in a photo. I summoned my father and brother to bring their hands together as well as the dying hand of Shawn and place them on his chest together with mine. 


It was the last time I touched my brother.  It was only a few hours later, while I was on a plane heading back home that my brother, Shawn Eric Agger, passed.  He is forever missed.



Footnote:



This may sound crazy and believe if you may, just minutes after completing this submission for Storytellers: The Collective, I walked outside to play with my two boys. No sooner had I stepped into the sun this butterfly landed on my arm. Startled for a second, the first thing I could think of was to grab my phone for a picture. I moved a little too quickly and he flew off, circled around me and landed right back in the same spot.  This time allowing me to capture a picture of him. Then he spread his wings once or twice while I was photographing before flying away. 

Doing what most of us love to do I immediately posted it on Facebook. After a couple of “likes” and "oohs & ahhs" a friend posted something I was not aware of. She believes butterflies come to us from those we love who are no longer here. She had no clue I had just completed a story about my brother just minutes before. Shawn must have sat with me as I wrote about our last moments together.









Russell Reich

Russell survived the battle of the demons inflicted by the streets of Somerville, Massachusetts. 
He skipped town with his girlfriend, landed in the Midwest and became a father of two boys.

He has always had a knack for things that inspire. 
Mainly music, but anything that took him away from the bad memories or the hustle & bustle 
of work/home life could evoke him to create just about anything he had the time for.