It's Not Funny

WARNING: This post may contain some trauma triggers that are sexual in nature.

After watching this video, a lot of different feelings came up that I forgot I had. When you try to stay aware of the world around you, that happens. One minute you will be fine and the next you open an article or clip and feel like you've been punched in the gut.

So apparently there is this whole world that exists out there where young men do "pranks" on women. These guys tape themselves groping women and exposing themselves. I've always considered myself very hard to offend when it comes to humor but this really bothered me. Similar things have happened to me before without a camera. While sometimes I try to laugh about my experiences, it's not funny.

Having a guy come up to me and expose himself when I was seven while I was just playing with my friend down the park, is not funny. Being in high school and being grabbed is not funny.  Being groped by one of my friends in adulthood is not funny. But in all these examples, most of the people around me found it entertaining but it's not funny.

While my mom called the police when I was little, I was later made fun of because of it. One person in particular would repeat what the man said to me as if it were hilarious. I laughed along to keep from crying. In actuality, my stomach would begin to roll, leaving me nauseous and empty. Forgiving a good friend for utterly insensitive without knowing it is one thing, forgetting it is another. No seven year-old should be exposed to and scared in a way that is so awful. It's disgusting, horrifying, perturbed and embarrassing and it's not funny.

When a kid groped me in high school after I repeatedly told him not to, I kicked him down the stairs. Everyone focused on my reaction but not what was done to me. There is comedy in having a girl kick a boy down a flight of stairs but that's not the point. He triggered such a visceral response. I guess that's why they call them triggers. It hurt that so few people seemed to care including my boyfriend at the time. He even tried to blame me at first while I sobbed into the phone trying to tell him about what happened. He had one of his friends talk to the kid. And friend, if you are reading this thank you for defending me. My dad hated my high school boyfriend after that. He said he was a sad excuse for a young man, that if he could beat the crap out of the kid who hurt me along with my boyfriend he would (an adult assaulting a 17 year old is frowned upon unfortunately)  and insisted I dump him. I didn't but he was very happy when we eventually did break up. My mom and dad were the ones who saw me crying on the couch for hours after school that day. Not him. This is certainly an example of cowardice, invasion and disrespect in so many ways and it's not funny.

When a good friend slapped me so hard on my butt that it hurt, I felt I couldn't make as big a deal because "Oh that's 'so and so'" as if his personality was all the explanation necessary. No one said anything and laughed as I verbally ripped him apart myself. I, too, had excused his behavior when he would hurt others so I felt like a hypocrite letting it bother me. Truth be told, it is bothersome and I have never defended him again. It's masochistic, physically abusive (IT HURT) and again disrespectful and it's not funny.

And so as you watch the above mentioned video and see some women playing along, notice their initial nos, the nervous tone's of their voices and laughter and stiff body language. They clearly feel pressured, don't want to or don't like it and if they do seem to it's because we have all been shown that this behavior is acceptable just like it always has been before YouTube existed. None of it is in no way funny.

While these experiences shouldn't have ever happened, I've learned that I have no problem defending myself. I grabbed my friend and ran away from that scary man, doing exactly what a little kid in that situation should do. I violently kicked the kid who hurt me in high school (going to my guidance counselor may have been a better decision but that's what happens when you're an impulsive and reactive teenager) and I stood up for myself verbally (which was the best I could do, especially with no support from those around me) when I was hurt later in life.

I am stronger because of these events but no one else should have to go through it because IT'S NOT FUNNY

Melissa Sue Vieira

Co-Founder of Storytellers:  The Collective

Melissa wears many hats.  
Some are super colorful and some are dark, just like her stories.  

She is a mother, friend, writer, survivor, warrior, yogi, listener, talker 
and a lover of all things art.

Ladybugs - Part I

Ladybugs. Most people don't put too much thought into ladybugs except when they see one; up close and personal. It is then that a person gets to see the details: With their red backs and black dots - even having one land on you is supposed to be good luck. 
I fucking hate ladybugs. Ladybugs can take me from 0 - 100 - and just like that I'm brought back to my world as a 16 year old when everything was beautiful and I had not a care in the world. I even thought my life was beautiful; getting good grades, cheerleading in high school and coaching pop warner. I was on the high school swim team and played freshman softball. As adults would always say to me: you have so much promise…

Except I had no such thing. It was taken from me. It was stolen right out from underneath me. It was Halloween and I was 16. The possibilities as a high school kid were endless. This particular year, Halloween fell on a Friday. One of the coaches for my Pop Warner team was having a costume party and asked me if I wanted to go. "Of course! Hell yes I wanted to go." I knew there would be alcohol and mostly everyone was going to be way older than me. But I didn't care. I had always gotten along so much easier with older people. Of course, I wasn't worried about any of that crap. My biggest concern was what costume I would wear and it wasn't until a few days later while doing our Saturday shopping ritual, that I saw it. The 'not too sexy but showed enough skin to make me feel sexy' ladybug costume was a one piece with the spots, bug headband and everything. The costume itself was on the short side, so I threw on shorts and called it good. The party was so fun - nothing but laughs and smiles. Even though I was underage, I had a few wine cooler type drinks but didn't go crazy. At the end of the night I was tired (and lazy) so I decided to crash on N's couch for the night. The party wrapped up and just like that everyone had left. She left her dog at her fathers house; so before bed went over to check on him. Not that I minded because I was already half asleep on the couch anyways. Details are so trivial sometimes. I won't describe how my heart dropped to the floor when he walked into the living room; startling me. I won't describe the helplessness I felt, the weakness under his weight. I won't mention that I had my virginity stolen from me by a monster that was "friends" with a women whom I had known for years. Only a monster with no soul could do what he did. Only a monster could finish taking the innocence of a 16 year old and stroll out like it was no big deal. I remember I sat stunned; frozen. I knew I needed to get out of there. I knew I needed to just get outside and feel the chilled October air on my face. I needed an escape; I needed to escape that place, those feelings, those thoughts, and all the racing images that started to flood my mind. I wish I could say I eventually recovered from such a tragedy. I wish I could tell you that I told someone and got the counseling that was necessary. I wish I could tell you that I learned skills to deal with everything that results from a sexual assault. But the only thing I can tell you with any honesty is that to this day almost 15 years later...I still fucking hate ladybugs.

Anonymous