The Pickup Artist's Apprentice

Holy crap, she’s hot. She would never give you her number. 

No, remember what Dane said. It’s not rejection, it is redirection. C’mon Jake. You can do it. You didn’t pay $1500 to not listen to him. Make eye contact, be confident. 

Ugh, confident. Bullshit. She won’t like you. Loser. No Jake, get back on track. You can do this. Breathe deep…Okay. Now approach, make eye contact, compliment her and go from there. Simple.

Oh god, not simple. She’s looking back at you. Dude, you’re such a loser. She’s gonna say no. You can’t do it…you already started walking toward her idiot…it’s now or never.

“Hey girlie. I don’t know you, but I just had to tell you that you are simply adorable. I’m Jake. What’s your name?”

Holy crap, she’s smiling. You can do this.

“I’m Alexa. Do you say that to every girl you hit on?”

“Just the ones that look like you,”

Oh my god, Jake, are you shitting me? That’s the best you could do? You blew it. Good job."

“Ha! You’re hilarious Jake. Want to go grab a drink?”

“How could I say no you Alexa?”

You did it big guy. Thank you Dane.

By: Melissa Vieira - co-founder & weirdo

"Friends"

I may be in the minority here, and I guess I'm okay with that. I know deep down that I'm a good person. Am I perfect? Far from it. I have my flaws. I can be an asshole at certain times, I can be standoffish at others, but if I consider you a friend of mine, there isn't much I wouldn't do for you. There's one issue that I have come to realize over time, and it's becoming more and more evident as I age:

I'm an afterthought in most people's minds. 

Now, I'm not looking for pity. Not in the least. Hell, by all accounts you probably won't even be able to tell who wrote this. However, if reading this gets you to take that "friend" who's an afterthought, reach out to them and go to a sporting event, movie, dinner or even make a good old phone conversation, then this is worth every second I spent writing it. 

It's not like I'm sitting at home waiting for someone to call me. I have a life that consumes much of my time. I am successful in my chosen career, I have a family with children that keep me busy, and other things that keep my attention. But with what very little free time that I may have, it seems like whenever I try to make plans, the excuse train comes barreling by.

Now granted, I understand that sometimes last minute plans cannot happen, but the law of averages would make you believe that if you called ten people to do something in a single night, at least ONE of them would say yes. You can guess how successful my stats were: 

One out of ten.

I conducted a little test for myself over the last week just to see if I was overthinking this whole thing. In the time I didn't reach out to anyone other than family or business matters and I don't recall one person reaching out. Not via phone, text, Facebook, Twitter. Nothing. Not. A. Soul. 

What am I supposed to think? Is this Karma for all the shitty things that I've done in the past? Some kind of retribution from a higher power? 

I don't really know. For all I know, I just have a really shitty core group of people in my life, yet they still talk to each other. Either way, it's a dejecting feeling knowing that the people you hold in close regard clearly don't care enough about you to make the slightest of efforts. One of few things can come of this. I accept the fact that I'm obviously not the person I thought I was: 

The kind, caring, funny person that everyone wants to be around.

I find new people to surround myself with who actually give a shit about me. I could do nothing, still be the guy reaches out to everyone, getting shot down every time I lay out an idea to do something, but I will always accept an offer when it's given to me.  Or could it all change? Who knows?

I'm sure some of you that read this would know me if I actually put my name in the submission and think:

"Oh Jesus, I had no idea so and so felt like this."

But then, I would always think that anytime someone DID call, it was out of pity and that's worse than not calling at all. 

At the end of the day, I know for a fact that I'll be okay. I've overcome a lot worse than this, believe me! This post may seem sad to some and a cry for help to others, but I just wanted to vent, say my piece and get everyone to think about how they act in their lives. 

I truly do love my life, I have a ton of things to be grateful for, so do not take this for anything more than me letting my thoughts and feelings flow into tangible words. My kids make me happy, my significant other makes me happy and I truly do enjoy spending every second that I am able to with them. 

They are my heart and my world! 

But it would be nice to go see that new action movie, comedy show or U.F.C. fight with a buddy once in a while. I'd say I'll hold my breath, but if the experiment I ran is any indication, I'd need CPR before that happened.

 Anonymous

Sleepless Nights

I dream on sleepless nights

That we can reunite in the ether

But neither you nor I were believers

So I won't see you in the light

When all that's left is darkness

It's hard to keep on doing right

You either are defeated

Or weakened by the fight

My achievements may be meager

But I reached them when I tried

And it seems to be a feat

Just to be the one alive

With my freedom

Not deceased

Or doing time

Waiting for release dates

Being waked

Or cremated

I can't conceive how I'm survived

You see it in my features

With crows feet beside my eyes

The creases getting deeper

The Grim Reaper's drawing lines

These teens will keep repeating

What they've seen unless

We teach them not to die

But I can't reach them

Even though I've seen

The horrifying hardship

That is life

You can call me crazy

But I know more people

Incarcerated

Than live the college life

So you cannot debate me

While I walk through graveyards

Like a high school hallway

I hear them softly

Call my name

Telling me to stay here

Turn them into martyrs

So it all was not in vain

We all too often are forgotten

By the progress being made

All of the hypocrisy

When our problems

Aren't acknowledged

Largely because of our race

As if the color of my skin

Will admonish me of pain

I wonder where's my privilege

While drop outs hang in the park

And the cops are in my face

When kids were robbing

Banks and pharmacies

Oxycontin was a plague

It never made the news

Never on the front page

So I made a promise

That I wouldn't just walk away

I'd harness what I harbor

In my heart

Be honest with my hate

Pay homage to the fallen

Honor them

By not falling for the bait.

Mark McLaughlin a.k.a MC Diatribe

 Having grown up in the blue collar city of Somerville, Mass., Mark became involved in community activism after witnessing many of his peers succumb to the cycle of substance abuse, violence, and crime. When drug abuse claimed more and more of his loved ones and gentrification began displacing his friends and neighbors, Mark channeled his own personal pain and the struggles of his community through activism, art, giving speeches and writing poetry. 

Under the stage name MC Diatribe, Mark is also a spoken word and rap performer who uses the medium to spread his message even farther. His music is available to download here.

Follow him on Twitter here.

Like him on Facebook here.

Check him out on YouTube here.