It's Not Funny

WARNING: This post may contain some trauma triggers that are sexual in nature.

After watching this video, a lot of different feelings came up that I forgot I had. When you try to stay aware of the world around you, that happens. One minute you will be fine and the next you open an article or clip and feel like you've been punched in the gut.

So apparently there is this whole world that exists out there where young men do "pranks" on women. These guys tape themselves groping women and exposing themselves. I've always considered myself very hard to offend when it comes to humor but this really bothered me. Similar things have happened to me before without a camera. While sometimes I try to laugh about my experiences, it's not funny.

Having a guy come up to me and expose himself when I was seven while I was just playing with my friend down the park, is not funny. Being in high school and being grabbed is not funny.  Being groped by one of my friends in adulthood is not funny. But in all these examples, most of the people around me found it entertaining but it's not funny.

While my mom called the police when I was little, I was later made fun of because of it. One person in particular would repeat what the man said to me as if it were hilarious. I laughed along to keep from crying. In actuality, my stomach would begin to roll, leaving me nauseous and empty. Forgiving a good friend for utterly insensitive without knowing it is one thing, forgetting it is another. No seven year-old should be exposed to and scared in a way that is so awful. It's disgusting, horrifying, perturbed and embarrassing and it's not funny.

When a kid groped me in high school after I repeatedly told him not to, I kicked him down the stairs. Everyone focused on my reaction but not what was done to me. There is comedy in having a girl kick a boy down a flight of stairs but that's not the point. He triggered such a visceral response. I guess that's why they call them triggers. It hurt that so few people seemed to care including my boyfriend at the time. He even tried to blame me at first while I sobbed into the phone trying to tell him about what happened. He had one of his friends talk to the kid. And friend, if you are reading this thank you for defending me. My dad hated my high school boyfriend after that. He said he was a sad excuse for a young man, that if he could beat the crap out of the kid who hurt me along with my boyfriend he would (an adult assaulting a 17 year old is frowned upon unfortunately)  and insisted I dump him. I didn't but he was very happy when we eventually did break up. My mom and dad were the ones who saw me crying on the couch for hours after school that day. Not him. This is certainly an example of cowardice, invasion and disrespect in so many ways and it's not funny.

When a good friend slapped me so hard on my butt that it hurt, I felt I couldn't make as big a deal because "Oh that's 'so and so'" as if his personality was all the explanation necessary. No one said anything and laughed as I verbally ripped him apart myself. I, too, had excused his behavior when he would hurt others so I felt like a hypocrite letting it bother me. Truth be told, it is bothersome and I have never defended him again. It's masochistic, physically abusive (IT HURT) and again disrespectful and it's not funny.

And so as you watch the above mentioned video and see some women playing along, notice their initial nos, the nervous tone's of their voices and laughter and stiff body language. They clearly feel pressured, don't want to or don't like it and if they do seem to it's because we have all been shown that this behavior is acceptable just like it always has been before YouTube existed. None of it is in no way funny.

While these experiences shouldn't have ever happened, I've learned that I have no problem defending myself. I grabbed my friend and ran away from that scary man, doing exactly what a little kid in that situation should do. I violently kicked the kid who hurt me in high school (going to my guidance counselor may have been a better decision but that's what happens when you're an impulsive and reactive teenager) and I stood up for myself verbally (which was the best I could do, especially with no support from those around me) when I was hurt later in life.

I am stronger because of these events but no one else should have to go through it because IT'S NOT FUNNY

Melissa Sue Vieira

Co-Founder of Storytellers:  The Collective

Melissa wears many hats.  
Some are super colorful and some are dark, just like her stories.  

She is a mother, friend, writer, survivor, warrior, yogi, listener, talker 
and a lover of all things art.