My Choice: Part II

I remember this day so vividly. I was sitting on the back porch of my apartment on Marshall St., having a smoke. My dad came up and knocked on the window, not knowing I was on the porch. Not anything new, as my parents lived a block and a half away and would bring mail over for me to read since they couldn't read English.  I thought it was just a normal day.

"Your mom has a brain tumor."

I just got a chill typing that. She made me her favorite meal just two days ago. The only symptom she had was numbness on the right side of her cheek. It had to be a pinched nerve, not a tumor.

"She's having surgery in two weeks to remove it. Can you come with us?"

"Yes, of course," I said, still in shock. I still remember the helpless look on my dad's face when he said, "I'm going to need your help with her after the surgery." Without thinking about it, I told him I wouldn't renew my lease in a month and move back in. No need for him to ask, I knew what needed to be done. It was an easy choice. Go and help.

Seven years later, I'm still living with my parents. Caring for them as much as they care for me through my illness. Having to make sure my mom's pill box is filled correctly and trying to change their diets slowly. Keeping an eye on my dads's feet as he has lost six toes to diabetes. Doctors appointments, paperwork for Medicare has to be filled out, etc...with a smile on my face. I know it's odd that a 37 year old, single man is living with his 80 plus year old parents but I wouldn't change my choice for anything.

Unfortunately, I have seen many friends lose a parent or both at a young age. Not me. I get to see them every morning as my dad still goes into his garden, my mom makes way too much food and they sneak hand holding when no one is looking.

I'm blessed to have made this choice.

My brother and sisters have lives that wouldn't be conducive with caring for them. That doesn't make them bad people. They do what they can, when they can. I'm in awe sometimes when I see my sister, Filly, come on her only day off in thirteen days to clean the house, top to bottom. No questions asked, she just shows up and does it. My brother Steven takes the time to help my parents with the paperwork that I don't understand as he goes through his own medical struggles. Never a "no".  Laura comes by with fresh fruits and Maria comes by to check on them in-between cooking for her husband and daughter. Fran drives an hour just to sit with my mom and kibitz about whatever the topic of the day is. All while knowing my oldest brother, Joey, is above watching us all be a family, as it was always him to get the family together before he passed.

See, we make choices and some you get beat down by but some build you back up. Choices turn into life experiences that no one can take from you, ever. I know how it is to hurt, seeing my dad cry over my brother's lifeless body. My dad! A man I had never seen cry until that day. I understand when my mom gets that look on her face because she is anxious. I grab her hand and no words are exchanged. Everything will be o.k., I'm here.

To my mom and dad, I love you more than life itself. Even when you do things like walk around with your walker, Mom, I still love you. I have no choice about the love I have. That's an emotion I can't control but I can make a choice everyday to make sure I show you that I love you with my actions.

So, to all the readers, make a choice today. It may end up badly but it can also turn into seven years you would never give up for anything in the world.

Donny Soares

Donny Soares is a Boston based stand up comic and actor living the dream.  

Caring for his elderly parents during the day and delighting crowds at night. Wouldn't want it any other way.  

A romantic at heart and is not afraid to show his softer side.  

A medical nerd, a lover of all animals, and a connoisseur of mid day naps.