Domino Effect

I get it. 

It’s the first thing you notice about me. It’s easy to make fun of me for my weight.  It’s not like it’s my race or a handicap. 

I was tired of being the fat girl that no one bothered to get to know because I was just fat. Obviously, we fat people are all the same.  I had to find a way to fit in and look like others.

Guess what, I found it!  I became bulimic.

It started in junior high, continued through high school, was fine-tuned in college, mastered in graduate school, and pathetically accepted as my life now, 25 years later.

It’s my big secret that no one knows. No friends, no family. Just me and that demon in my head that easily gets switched on when you nonchalantly glance at my fat arms. Yes I notice!

Permanent damage has been done emotionally and physically.

On bad days, every thought is about my next binge and how I would get rid of the food.

You’d never know by seeing me walking down the street that anything was wrong, or if you've known me my whole life for that matter.  

You know why...because you are still making fun of me and commenting and criticizing my weight because I’m fat again.

The weight doesn't come off like it did. The bulimia didn't solve anything.  Instead, it just gave me a really shitty coping mechanism. 

I've thrown up in more public bathrooms and plastic bags than I can count.

So next time you think it’s just an innocent criticism or a little look-see to see just how big he or she is, think of me in your head saying:

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!"

The smallest comment starts a domino effect that can never be reversed. So please be more careful with your words and looks.

Anonymous