Razors...

Did you ever have those oddly simple moments in your life that seem so ordinary, but turn out to be the ones that open your eyes wide like rims of margarita glasses? 

For me, it started as a simple phone call on the way home from work.  "On my way, do you need razors?" Do I need razors? What a random and weird question to ask me, as I haven't spoken to you in 15 hours when you left for work.  "No, I don't need any razors, do you?" Yup. I'm all set, thanks for asking. I guess after working for 15 hours a day, any day you choose, the topic of razors is something on top of your priority list. Did you think calling to check would make it seem like you were actually thinking of me? Or doing me a favor? I wish my life could be so simple as yours. If only the simplicity of life and the topic of razors would excite me. Instead, it infuriated me!   

If only he knew or cared to know, that I wish my only worry and concern that night was whether I needed razors.  I wish I had the guts to tell him what I really needed instead of damn razors. That day alone, I wished I had another set of arms to clean up all the messes everyone dropped and left for me to clean. If not another set of arms, appreciative kids and a husband who didn't leave their shoes everywhere, clothes thrown on the floor, dirty cups all over the house, blankets on the floor, or toys everywhere. 

I wish I had another set of eyes, so that I could see which child was really causing all the bickering and fights all day long, everyday. Or a 3rd set of eyes to keep on the baby. It seems no matter how closely I keep the one set on her, she is magnet for mischief. Maybe the 3rd set of eyes would have helped me from having to call poison control twice that day. 

All that day I needed comfort, a hug, or someone to tell me things were going to work out for the best and I didn't need to worry. As my heart was heavy with worry and my brain stretched to the limit consumed about my parents and my dad losing his job. Did he even know that? No...he didn't even ask or think to call to check in. I'm not sure why I am surprised, it's the same everyday. No call, waiting to talk about things when the time is right in his simple world. 

Instead of razors, I wished he could have brought me the patience that I seem to be missing these days. Patience for my life, that feels like it is spiraling out of control, patience for my children, as it seems harder and harder to care for them by myself, patience for the ignorant people of the world around me who seem to frustrate me everyday, patience for him, real patience for him. I don't even think patience will save him. 

If only he knew what the true symbol of razors meant: not all products are what they’re advertised to be (just like he is not who I thought I married), all razors should be handled with care (as should your significant other, why do you not know this?), be cautious with sensitive skin, it can really irritate it (or irritate sensitive woman),  once it has been worn out and used to many times it should be replaced (that's something for me to think about).

Razors-I will never think of you the same! 

Anonymous