Back in March, I made a Facebook post about possibly ending a friendship because of what I was observing in someone I thought I knew better. It boiled down to that person having shown some of their true colors and my struggle with what to do about it. My friends were wonderful, giving me oodles of insightful advice. At that point in time, I decided to have a conversation with the person in question which resulted in us remaining friends. Albeit myself truthfully still having plenty of doubts about it all.
Today, the proverbial straw hit the already weighed-down camel’s back.
Another of this person’s posts popped up on my feed, and I went down the rabbit hole of reading their wall again. I even commented on said post, asking for clarification as to why they said what they said. All that happened was that they confirmed my suspicions that, if I were a praying kind of person, I’d have been praying weren’t correct.
So I decided to finally end it once and for all.
This is the note I wrote to the person:
“Dear [Ex-Friend]:
I am a stronger and more confident person (literally and figuratively) than I was when I walked into [your life] many years ago. You taught me a lot, honed my skills, and therefore made me feel safer walking around the world as a woman. We also had many laughs and good times together, both inside and outside of [the place we saw each other most]. For all of this, I am thankful.
More recently, however, you and I have been discovering that we view a lot of things quite differently. We talked about some of those issues and even sort of solved a few. But today was the last straw. I just can’t do it anymore.
The recent political and social climate in America, and your many Facebook postings and comments surrounding it, have made it clear to me that we just don’t see eye to eye on enough topics that I wish to continue our association. What I see more often than not now is disrespectfulness, ignorance, and hate. It hurts my heart.
I’m not writing this letter to change your mind or debate about anything. Everyone is entitled to their thoughts, opinions, and feelings. I am just telling you mine. Maybe you care. Maybe you don’t. It really doesn’t matter. Either way, I wanted to give you the courtesy of explaining why I am choosing to end our friendship today. I owe you at least that much.
The bottom line is that I would not feel safe in the kind of world you currently espouse, and I’m tired of trying to justify to myself why I remain connected to you. It saddens me greatly to say this, but I am done.
I wish you well.
-Robin”
*************
I hit Send.
*************
This storytellers collective is about moments of impact, and this was the moment of impact I created and experienced today. It left me feeling relieved and liberated and sad and disappointed, all at the same time.
So while I can certainly appreciate whatever jokes and memes and satire and sarcasm that people may propagate about current events, even if what they say is false -- I wish so much that if they actually, truly, and honestly held beliefs and/or opinions that are staunchly opposed to mine, they would be able to have conversations in which they are willing to politely and intelligently discuss these issues and within which they’d at least be willing to have their minds changed. But if they aren’t capable of or interested in doing that, they can go fuck right the fuck off, because I am
All.
Set.
Look, it’s my Facebook account. My wall. My feed. My own personal social media experience. I will make of it what I want to make of it. I don’t have to tolerate hatred, ignorance, disrespect, or anything else I don’t like. Not in my house, not on my page. I am well aware of all the horrible things going on in the world these days, and am not hiding from nor ignoring any of it; but if I want to have a happy little echo chamber over there in Facebook-land, I am entitled to that and there’s nothing wrong with choosing to create one so long as I don’t do so in my life as a whole.
I posted all of this, with additional detail about the particular social and political views I personally support, and said that if someone is upset or offended because of who I called out, or if they wish to align themselves with that person, that’s fine. I get it. I really do. Because I believe that everyone is entitled to their own choices for whatever reasons they see fit as long as they aren’t actively or purposefully hurting others. If it caused someone to unfriend me in favor of that other person, while I will be sad to someone go, I can’t say that I am sorry to have made them make that decision. Because it tells me something relevant about them that I didn’t know before.
And the garden shall continue weeding itself.
Robin Donoghue
The sly and trusty Robinator is a square peg –
not fitting easily into any single category, living not just inside and outside of the box,
but all mixed up in a pile of them. She’s a walking contradiction (in the good way) –
having a wide, diverse range of interests, not being defined by any one thing,
and willing to try pretty much anything at least once.
Born and raised in Somerville, this lifelong athlete, foodie who almost always ends up with
pasta sauce on her (especially when it’s white) shirt, mother of two cats, free-spirited hippie at heart whose socks never match, is socially awkward, yet a flirt, too. She enjoys photography, traveling, generally being creative, and practically requires having pockets. When she grows up, she wants to get an RV and be a nomad with her dear husband, or live on a self-sustaining intentional community with all the best people she knows and loves.
