2014: A Sea-Change

Warning: This essay will assuredly be somewhat vague, rambly, and/or jumbled. I’ve tried and tried to make it clearer and more artistic-like.  I even thought at one point, for a more lighthearted route, of writing it as a poem made entirely of clichés (because there are plenty of them in here anyways). But it just didn’t work out. These are my thoughts as best I can muster them.  This is how my mind goes.  Call it a diary entry, if you must.

December 18, 2014.  Yesterday, I received my year-end performance review at work.  It was better than expected, and came right on the heels of what were a couple of pretty darn good days due to powerful conversations with multiple people; one of those life-affirming kind of weeks.  The combination got me thinking about how 2014 was shaping up to end on a very positive note, which then prompted me to look back through my Google calendar and see how it all went down.

Wow.

2014 was quite a year indeed.

It’s hard to believe and wonderful to remember all the fun and exciting things we did….parties, shows, festivals, trips, random get-togethers, weddings, movies, concerts (one of which I even performed in!), general hanging with friends, races, classes, reunions, and more. I am thankful and lucky to be able to say that we squeezed all of that in and I would never have enough time to list every single one of the awesome things we did or name all of the excellent people we experienced them with.  Besides, that’s not the stuff that this writing is about.

One of the shows we saw was the American Repertory Theater’s production of William Shakespeare’s The Tempest --  the play in which the term “sea-change” was born.  That’s what this writing is about: my personal sea-change of 2014.

Because in addition to all the fun and exciting parts of 2014, other segments were very serious and even scary.  There were lots of ups and downs, lessons learned, changes, heavy decisions, introspection, reflection, and growth.  It wasn’t easy.  In fact, it was grueling; definitely the hardest year of my life that I can remember.  But it was necessary and in the end, very, very good for me -- which also makes it my greatest year ever (so far).

Why?

Because I learned. so. much.

Specifically over the past three-to-four hundred days, starting from mostly not at all, to more and more, to dare I say kind of frequently: I practiced better communication skills.  I became more present in my mind and more comfortable in my own body than I ever was before.  I dared to be vulnerable.  I demanded authenticity and respect from myself and those around me.   I looked inward.  I found ways to identify what I wanted and needed and spoke up for that.  I developed perspective.  I grew. I let myself be loved. I learned how to be a better friend and family member.  How to reach out, be proactive; not sit back and wait.  I got brave.  I changed.  Then today, I bought a Christmas gift for my mother.

I feel like I just….get it, now.  Life.  Finally.

Am I done transforming?  Hell no.  I’m not sure anyone ever should be.  There’s always more to do. Plus it’s still uncomfortable sometimes, being this new me -- and I don’t always succeed at it.  But not so much so that I’m going to quit.  I am far better off than I ever was before.  I am happy.  And I feel much more calm, grounded, centered, focused.

The immediate goal now is to keep it up.  Build confidence.  And give more trust.

I can never sufficiently thank all of the people who helped and supported me, taught me, picked me up when I was down, showed me different and better ways, set me straight when I needed it, offered advice, pushed me out of my comfort zone, and gave me ideas to think deeply about even if it was just by posting a link on Facebook.  A lot of them probably don’t even know that they played a part, and that I can only say these words because of them.  Whether they know for sure that I have them in mind right now, or maybe aren’t quite certain, and whether their role was monstrously large or even just a fleeting moment….I am and will forever be grateful and proud and humbled to know them.

My world is infinitely better at the end of 2014 than it was at the beginning.  I look forward to carrying the high I am ending it on into 2015 and beyond.  I encourage you to look back at your year, too, and reflect on all you did, all you learned, and all you hope to bring with you into the future.

I want to dedicate this post, above all others, to Jason, without whom I couldn't have made it through. He taught me the most, picked me up the most, and…let's just say it, dealt with me the most. This year was hard. Those words, however, rhyme with something else I've been unable to get out of my head the entire time I was drafting, writing, and rewriting this essay. For all 2014 was worth, the good, the bad, and the ugly, Matt Nathanson said not that this year was hard, but rather that "this year was ours…I felt alive, for the first time in my life…Farewell December."

Robin Donoghue

The sly and trusty Robinator is a square peg – 

not fitting easily into any single category, living not just inside and outside of the box, 

but all mixed up in a pile of them. She’s a walking contradiction  (in the good way) – 

having a wide, diverse range of interests, not being defined by any one thing, 

and willing to try pretty much anything at least once. 

Born and raised in Somerville, this lifelong athlete, foodie who almost always ends up with 

pasta sauce on her (especially when it’s white) shirt, mother of two cats, free-spirited hippie at heart whose socks never match, is socially awkward, yet a flirt, too.  She enjoys photography, traveling, generally being creative, and practically requires having pockets.  When she grows up, she wants to get an RV and be a nomad with her dear husband, or live on a self-sustaining 

intentional community with all the best people she knows and loves.